Teacher Face

"Okay I still see people talking. Everyone up and back into the hallway. We can do this all day if we have to, people!" I feel like I've said this phrase at least 20 times today alone. First week of teaching down and I am quickly learning that, though much anticipated, Fridays are going to be the death of me.

I never wanted to be the strict teacher, but I am quickly learning that if I want to maintain any semblance of functionality within my classroom, I have little choice. The first day I tried to show some of my "fun teacher" side, and was that ever a mistake. The kids quickly started to test my boundaries. One kid "forgot" his name and refused to identify himself the first 5 times I asked, before remembering he was called "Billy Bob." Another took the diagnostic reading exam I handed him and proceeded to fill in each bubble without so much as opening the test booklet. He then yelled "Done!" at the top of his lungs 2 minutes into the test (somehow he still managed to test at a near 3rd grade reading level - kind of impressed, I'm not gonna lie). Another kid enjoyed shooting her hand up into the air every time I asked a question until I looked at her, when she would proceed to pull it down quickly and start looking around, whistling. One boy appeared physically incapable of facing forward in his seat, and one of my girls yelled "Get away from me!" when I leaned down and touched her arm to get her attention.

Day 2 was different. I had my bearings now and wasn't putting up with their games anymore. I lined my kids up in the hallway and gave them a stern talking to before they came in. I told them that they showed they obviously couldn't handle a fun teacher yet, so they were going to be stuck with a strict teacher until they could learn to behave. I became drill sargent, making sure they entered the classroom exactly the way I wanted, and we continued to practice until everyone got it right. We also marched back and forth from the library about 10 times before they figured out what "no talking in the hall" meant. I got a lot of scared looks from my kids, as well as quite a few "great, another teacher I hate" looks which kind of broke my heart, but I didn't know how else to make them behave. At least it seemed to be working to an extent.

However, on top of all their tom foolery, I was dealing with the chaos of being a new, mostly untrained teacher in a building of which I knew very little. I'd come to class the first day prepared with a perfect intro/entering room procedure planned as well as enough activities to cover all 55 minutes. However, the principal held my students hostage in the auditorium for the first 30 minutes of class without my prior knowledge before handing them over. Trying to reorganize my lesson in my head as I carefully lined my students up outside the door, I decided to focus on just the proper entering the room procedure. As I opened my mouth to begin my little speech, the principal came on the intercom to announce that we were to stand for the pledge. I'd completely forgotten schools do that! I quickly shooed my students into the room so they could say the pledge to the flag. It was very chaotic and unprofessional, to say the least.

The next day, half way through the hour, the fire alarm went off. Taking a moment to reflect on the fact that we'd had absolutely no training on this as new teachers, I attempted to simply mimic what I'd always seen my teachers doing in the past. I grabbed an attendance sheet, took a quick head count, lined my kids up, and headed out the door. Classes were moving in every direction and I had absolutely no idea where I was going. I kept walking around in circles with my students following me blindly like imprinted ducklings. I ran into another TFA teacher who looked as confused as me. We finally picked a random door to leave through, and ended up in a weird back area where no other staff or classrooms were. We stood there awkwardly with our students until the alarm stopped and then decided to go back in. I still have no idea where the other classes went...

I ended up being paired with a Gifted and Talented teacher for one of my classes who somewhat scares me to my very core. She walked in the first day and asked if she could quickly introduce herself to my GAT class. She then proceeded to deliver a 15 minute diatribe on how they needed to be able to read cursive before taking out two picture stories to read to them like she was entertaining 6-year-olds. She ended with a lengthy lecture on how she would be raising the bar high for them and they would be expected to reach her high expectations, before rushing out of the classroom. I stared after her, unsure of what had just happened, for a few moments before collecting myself enough to address the class again. Did you know that Gifted & Talented students have IEPs with specific modifications just like the special education kids do, and that the government will periodically check in to make sure you are providing these modifications for each student? I certainly did not.

I gave a diagnostic writing prompt about a life lesson my students learned which lead to some of the more disturbing and depressing essays I've read. One student talked about a parent with a drinking problem. He said of his mom, "I try telling her not to drink. My mom said 'once you drink beer you can't stop.' When my mom was drinking I was scare when my mom was drinking. I really don't like my mom drinking because she got in a fight with my brother. I thought that the way I image us laugh and have fun but, My image was wrong. The thing that I don't like about drunk people they ask you something or they keep you awake all the time." Wow. These kids have problems bigger than things I've dealt with in my own life. I plan to follow up with some students, as well as their guidance counselor.

It's not all bad or chaotic though. I very much love what I am doing. I have one class which is the teacher's dream class - everyone is excited to be there and motivated to learn and participates enthusiastically every lesson. A girl in another class tells me every day how many hours she read the night before. They finally learned how to pronounce my name correctly after 5 days with me. I was able to hold every class rivoted with my narrative about how I melted crayons into a rental car seat once in Florida (my example for a life lesson I learned haha). Kids even have started to come hang out with me during break times (and after school) and run to my classroom early so they can chat before class starts. Sometimes I play music for my kids - I assemble a playlist from random movies and they have to guess what movie each song is from. I use the songs to time my class activities - "you have until 'happy working song' from enchanted is done to finish this problem." I enjoy subjecting my children to broadway and movie soundtracks. I'm glad they put up with me.

So yes, that's pretty much been my week. I miss having a social life outside of my students (a LOT), but I'm finding that I'm busy enough to not have much time to think about it. Today my housemates and I went on a hike up "Pyramid Rock" that was absolutely breathtaking. I really do live in a beautiful place. We almost got attacked by a rattle snake on the way back though. Good day to wear flip-flops :)

Hope you all are well, and thanks for checking in. I miss everyone tons!

A week before school

I've managed to find this page again finally so rather than to use my precious few remaining days until the first day of school to prepare the myriads of things I need to have ready, I'm going to choose to procrastinate and do this instead. (Maybe it was better when every minute of my day was accounted for by TFA...)

So after struggling to put together my $30 Walmart desk and stocking my fridge with my own groceries for the first time, I'm officially moved in to my new house in Gallup, NM. I have to type while kneeling on the floor and my bed constantly needs re-inflating, but it's home. Our house even has a name: the "astrobode" - thanks to our astro-turf "lawn" that makes our place famous in the TFA circle. We've become a home for the corps member vagrants who are still looking for places to live, so every time I walk in there are new people setting up camp in our front living room. Makes for an interesting time.

My friend and I were joking about "adult points" earlier today, and I realized that I've been gaining quite a few this last week: opening up a bank account in town, grocery shopping for myself, starting a new career, getting insurance, paying bills/rent, etc. That probably doesn't seem like much to people who've been living in an apartment since their sophomore year of college, but this is all new to me. One of the downfalls of being an RA - falling behind on "real world" experiences. I bought chicken breasts and a sack of potatoes at the store before returning home and realizing I had no idea what to do with them. I moved the chicken from the fridge to the freezer and back at least 3 times before I finally consulted more veteran cooks for advice. I decided I'd make something potato-y the other night until I remembered I didn't have a peeler. There are a lot of basic household items like this that are easy to forget about until you need them.

In terms of the teaching aspect of things, I now have a classroom and was finally able to track down my principal - I'm pretty sure he's been avoiding me for the past few weeks. But I now know that I will be teaching 6th and 8th grade Social Studies (inclusion), 6th grade Math (inclusion), and 6th grade Language Arts (resource room). It was really strange today, meeting a few of my fellow faculty members who look old enough to be my parents and running into students who barely look younger than me. A few stopped into my room when I was setting up and asked if I was the new teacher. They looked maybe 2 years younger than me, even though they were 7th graders. They asked my name, and I was momentarily stumped. I knew I should say "Miss Handtke," but that sounded like such a joke to me while facing people who looked like my peers. I wanted to respond with my first name, but I figured that would break protocol. After awkwardly hesitating for a few seconds, I decided to compromise with an awkward response of my full name. Haha, I need to get better at this "authority figure" thing. I'm sure it will come more naturally when I have kids in my desks and I'm standing at the front of the classroom...I hope. I got a haircut today, so hopefully now I can pass for 18 or 19 years old...that will put at least a few more years difference between my students and me. :)

And that's been my life lately. Training starts this Monday and my first day of school is the 17th. I feel completely unprepared and in over my head, but I also felt a huge tingle of excitement today when seeing my classroom for the first time. I've been waiting for this for a while.

Hope you all are doing well and thanks for checking up on me. Let the teaching begin...